2. I notice my 14-year-old daughter and her 17-year-old brother, enemies of old, enjoying a detente in the TV room over Xbox and popcorn. But what I really remember is my dad listening to me tell him about whatever I was interested in. I experienced an adolescence where most of my interests were labeled garbage and where I was told my lack of interest in playing sports was a character flaw that would doom me to failure as an adult. Also hi BGM. One of my MILs (I am so lucky; I get three, FML) has a serious issue with me I mean epic butt hurt level, because I CANNOT do board games or card games. July 2, 2013, 12:17 pm. I remember how happy my dad was to spend time with me and to share something with me that he was so passionate about. My plan is to lock mine in the basement and bribe her into going to a local college. Make it a game. Seeing him cultivate her interests and introduce her to things I never would have has been a blessing. So basically my husband has been their father as their biological father rarely sees them,maybe once or twice a year. if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,600],'therelationshipnotes_com-large-mobile-banner-1','ezslot_9',134,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-therelationshipnotes_com-large-mobile-banner-1-0');Ultimately, its up to you whether or not you want to stay in a relationship with someone who doesnt get along with your child. Theres got to be at least one thing that the two of them have in common. I can look back on those time I was forced to go mini golfing with my dad and smile, because I know how happy it made him, and I always ended up having fun, too! I recall all too well how some can turn every god damn conversation into a deep Buffy exploration So, yes. In my case, Im sure there would have been something else to criticize if I was a different kid. A little . For me there were clues that it went further than that (the wanting her to be competitive and giving her reading assignments for instance), but its possible that because these are her interests too that shes being overly sensitive about it. He said he wasnt hungry and why would I think hed want to eat after a rotten day? I was/am (?) He liked baseball and trivia and languages and anthropology all stuff I didnt really care about. Hed come out and hit the ball or play catch or Horse. LW, your daughter sounds awesome. One of the strangest experiences of my life was attending a Sci-Fi convention with her on a lark where we learned she is on a Franklin Mint plate!! And he is a loyal friend. If he wants her to take an interest in his hobbies, he needs to feign interest in hers. He may think that if she leaves the home then shell be safe from his alcoholism. What music you like or books you read is a matter of personal preference, and really its rude to mock people for their personal taste just because it doesnt align with yours unless theres racism or violence or something. if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,600],'therelationshipnotes_com-large-mobile-banner-2','ezslot_10',130,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-therelationshipnotes_com-large-mobile-banner-2-0');You feel yourself in big trouble when suddenly your husband and daughter are caught in the middle of a nasty argument. Id like you to point out the things that you find fun or interesting along the way so I can see it from your eyesand then next week, the new Star Trek movie is out on DVD, so I would love for you to watch it with me. (Okay, okay, I am projecting here, but again, I had way too many friends who were all way to into Buffy back in the day. bittergaymark honeybeenicki He did research and found these beautiful Gotz dolls for my sister and I. Its not easy being caught in the middle, but its important to remember that you cant please everyone all the time. Maybe even consider making those things, like hiking or whatever, family events, so that its not a choice between a fun thing with mom and a thing she doesnt like as much with dad. Yes, I know firsthand how much some Buffy fans just need to shut up about that blasted show. Or if shes interested in other fantasy series (ex. Parents should be parents and kids should be kids. Someone gets one out and I want to vomit. No, it may not be the precise thing hes interested in, but you cant just share an interest with someone by demanding it. lets_be_honest And they never put down my interests (which at the moment are the same as the LWs). Here are 5 common ways I unintentionally pushed my husband away. Its almost like shes commiserating with her daughter as though hes her father also. They had all sorts of questions about those eras of American history, and we watched a couple of documentaries, and then I get my kids coming in and going, Hey, there was a thing on The History Channel this weekend about Salem, and I made my dad watch it! And then in American history, they were studying colonial America just after we read it, and so I get the history teachers going, Holy shit, thank you! Make it easier for him to be his best self. Hed take me to Barnes and Noble and buy me a new Star Wars fan magazine every time. Exactly Lily! 1. July 2, 2013, 11:08 am. My parents still make fun of me for a movie I wanted to watch when I was 8 because it was so awful. Thanks temp! Its a really nice time to shoot the shit and get your head clear fishing can be very enjoyable, plus you have a free meal at the end of it! I agree, but the father didnt ask for advice, the mom did and we all know you can only control your own actions, so because of that, I think the advice given was spot on. My husband has a son from a previous relationship and my husband treats him sooo badly. July 3, 2013, 9:47 am. He was just happy that I was excited about reading. Roll your eyes!?! ). Yeah, apparently mine were fans all along, but there were no records in the house, unlike the other two. Not from Scranton either! And not just to me and your husband. July 2, 2013, 1:17 pm. I had NO IDEA what that was, so I did the can-can. I assumed my mom was always just mom like. I remember our reaction (me and my bro) when we found out she liked Led Zeppelin . That said, its important to try to resolve the conflict constructively. I firmly believe that there is no such thing as reading too much. July 2, 2013, 11:46 am. Or, find the show about the science of Star Trek. Otherwise, how are kids going to learn tolaugh at themselves? Things they like, things they sorta like, things they dont like. I still think hes acting out like a child. Well, it made me sad that he didnt want to hear all about The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks when I read that. Just because FOX cancelled Firefly doesnt mean its not awesome anymore. But I agree with everything else you said. 2.5K views, 176 likes, 19 loves, 3 comments, 12 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Inframundo Relatos: SPOTIFY:. Over time, you may have begun to feel a little desperate, wondering if there wasnt some sort of underlying game going on. So I cant agree that it is never ok. Theres a true difference between good natured humor and cruelty (even if some people claim it is the the former when it is really the latter) and kids need to be exposed to the former. Awesome. I agree, of course people can be smart and informed and still like other stuff too. And my dad is so crazy into going to my games Walter said he was yelling his head off at the last one. But it sounds like dad needs to remove the ginormous stick from his ass and let his daughter fangirl. July 2, 2013, 11:56 am. "I cant win for losing. temperance I desperately wanted to be an astronaut? I mean, maybe? When crazy-making partners are not driven by malevolent motives, they are very open to changing their behavior if it is pointed out in a non-judgmental environment. A few years from now this guys daughter interests may have changed, but she wont be bothering to talk to him about it or anything at all, most likely. I actually wish my parents had exposed me to more things, even things I didnt like. My other daughter moved out recently into a flat-share with some friends. Hopefully she'll see the sense in this and be able to move on. Think of it this way: the car insurance typically follows the car, not the driver. It also says the father is critical about her lack of competitiveness, initiative, and how she is uninformed. I see her occasionally, but she never stays long if her father is around. Parents have rolled their eyes at teenage pop drek for generations. Instead of, I want you to read this by this day, and then well have a talk, how about, I found this and thought it was interesting. When they are able to see the. So now our oldest daughter is 16 and . I fell in love with football and cooking and baseball, which were things he loved. Find your shared interests and go from there? Wow, Im glad Im not the only one whose beliefs on the cosmos/humanity have been influenced by Star Trek. Or are they just not able to love without losing themselves? The variables didnt add up, but you were determined to hang in there and solve the situation by wits and endurance. Moreover, his interests could actually I dunno help make her a more well rounded person. 1. AITA for not driving my wife to our son's wedding since I'm not invited? My parents listened to Oldies. His GP should be able to refer him to an appropriate local counsellor or he could contact the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (bacp.co.uk). He. Also, at some point, the kids will leave you and then what will you do? My mom and I both liked movies, reading, pop culture, and shopping. Most passive aggressive folks have two things in common: 1. I wanted to make a point about the use of the word uninformed. July 2, 2013, 11:03 am, I think what needs to be addressed here is the the primary relationship in a familythe marriage. It is definitely a good idea for the LW to lead her daughter by example by showing an interest in Dads interests and even suggesting an outing that he would like or that all of them would enjoy. He likes baseball, but he doesnt want to go to games, he likes golf, but he doesnt ever go, he likes history, but he doesnt really like books, hell watch something about the JFK assassination if its on the history channel but cant be bothered to pop in a DVDgift giving, really, is impossible, as is spending time with him that doesnt involve eating. WWS, and YOU need to stop pulling away from your husband, because he doesnt have the same interests as your daughter. My husband and I have very different interests, but he does not roll his eyes when I talk about them. than it is to have fun with them although you should have fun while doing so. ! He rolls his eyes and tries to get them to stop talking about stuff that theyre interested in. And he doesnt have to hide that. But you can help your daughter learn to cope with her feelings and manage her relationship with her father. I dont know why the father doesnt like Star Trek, but shows like Eureka, Warehouse 13, and Revolution are all pretty good cross sections of fangirlyness and science. painted_lady I didnt get the sense that the LW is only liking or disliking things to get closer to her daughter. I too liked pop culture and shopping and silly tv shows, much like my mom. Or its hilarious I have seriously never watched football in my life, so I once got called on to do a touchdown dance. My parents are/were anti-intellectual, though, and wouldnt let me go see ballets, theatre productions, or hit up museums because I was trying to put on airs. So you need to be more encouraging of her spending time with him and stop acting like a little club. Me and my husband have a 4 year old daughter together. (I remember one long drive when i was little where we ran out of all other cds and they suffered through it for a little while and I was happy as a clam, but eventually they couldnt deal with it anymore). To do that, I think she has to be less invested in making sure child is 100% happy 100% of the time and I think she has to rationally explain to her husband how some of his actions are being perceived. Youre right, though. He started throwing me out at 13 for reasons like my friend being weird, my hair being weird, my music being terrible, etc. For example, I taught my theatre kids The Crucible this year. Theres no reason why reading books and an interest in musicals and playing music make someone uninformed, one persons preference for geography over literature doesnt make them more informed than the other one! You can look at him as a mean bully, like you do, or an involved father who is trying to raise a well rounded child. Sorry Wendy (and LW) I think your answer was as wrong as it was long. So I think there is a bit of a content based bias at work in some of this stuff you were already doing worthwhile things, so his dismissal of them was, in addition to being mean/cruel, just plain wrong (as in incorrect/inaccurate.) Spyglassez For starters, almost NONE of the things your daughter is a fangirl of are even vaguely STILL hot among her peers. I know my father and I did not share a lot of interests when I was growing up I read a lot and was introverted. My interests are pretty close to hers (and yours!) LWs daughter should definitely be involved with some enriching activities, but theres no harm at all in loving media. And my husband tried; he can shoot bow and arrow (his dads favorite) very well, can recognize animal tracks, knows a number of out-doorsy tricks.it was never good enough. Not knowing who the Beatles were, I thought it was something ABOUT beetles, and asked them Is it interesting? . All letters are treated in complete confidence and, to protect this privacy, Fiona is unable to pass on your messages to other readers. July 2, 2013, 12:15 pm. Team sports, outdoorsy, tomboyish stuff. I was an athlete and a complete girly girl (still am), so my dad got his sports buddy and princess in one child my sister was not into sports or girly things. He is dedicated and hard-working. Im also coming from a place where I 100% agree with Wendy that her interests could also change next month or next year so its more about tone/approach/attitude than actual activities. Im sure he didnt really care about the Anne of Green Gables books or obscure Star Wars characters. I had loving parents, and I thought Wendy was off and the dad seems a bit off and sounds degrading. Ill also add that it needs to be understood that belittling interests and eye-rolling is not okay from the daughter either- if youre seeing it from her to him it needs to end now. In the last 2-3 years my husband and daughter have has a strained and tense relationship because of her actions and his attitude. The advice to the LW is good, but she cannot change her husbands behavior. Its that shes finding she doesnt always like her dad. My personal relationship with my dad was almost non-existent when I was a tween/early teen, except for those forced family moments. But the show as a whole, awesome. The thing that really gets me is that my brother, who is not very bookish, isnt doing that well in his classes and only my mother seems to care. Navigating a situation like this can be difficult, but its important to do what you can to resolve the conflict. Additionally, she may worry that a new man in your life will try to take his place and replace him entirely. It will also probably be more effective if you can get your children to stand alongside you, at least during the initial intervention and I realise that will be hard. You wouldnt even ask that of an adult; why do you expect a kid to be okay with it? I think I read this differently than Wendy. We and our partners use cookies to Store and/or access information on a device. July 3, 2013, 3:53 am, Music or even musical pop icons was, curiously, NEVER mentioned specifically by the LW. How Do You Resolve Conflict Between Your husband And Daughter? And lets face itthe daughter is about to become a teenager. He needs to learn to be a bit more respectful of his daughters choices and to compromise which would be modeling good behavior for his child to learn. Manage Settings Other times it means standing up for yourself and telling both sides what you think. . First and foremost, of course, is the safety of your children. I agree mostly with your last paragraph, but I wonder how close the LWs perception of the assignments is to reality or whether it might actually be closer to what you described. (I threw it all up and cried. I think its great that he invites her and wants to share his interests with her. But as a kid/teen, I wanted him to play. Last week she followed him home after classes again, even though his bus goes in the opposite direction to where she lives. Your husband sounds like a jerk. But the most consistent and deep internal driver is the terror of being controlled. Is It My Fault If My Partner And Daughter Dont Get Along? It was always classic rock radio in the car, and at home he usually had some background music going, often from his own enormous collection of CDs that included everything from classic rock to blues to zydeco. But since we dont know which type of person the girls father is (bullying and hurtful, or rude/stubborn yet ultimately well-meaning) I think its helpful that people who had experience in this issue can comment. How the States Got Their Shapes for one. I would go on drives to see the eagles, fished, endured Cardinal games and college basketball games. You can see it in the fighting. Yeah, I wasnt responding so much to Mark re: sports but to culture as a whole. July 2, 2013, 10:50 am. As an only child, I didnt have to share my parents, and I just happened to love the things my dad loved. Eventually I grew up and learned to appreciate these things, and I can look back and say wow, my dad was so great and modeled the type of behavior I should show. Also, my father took me to the new Disney movie every year.

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